We are now on day 173563791007 of Stay-At-Home Isolation. Not really, but it sure feels like it at this point.
The first two weeks I was totally fine. We are very lucky in our circumstances during this time when many have it a lot harder. My husband normally works at home, and I am a stay-at-home with two kids not in school. Not much changed from our daily life, but little things did. I wasn’t the one who went to the grocery store anymore. I didn’t have any library time for the girls to run around. No random drop-in with the cousins. The events and play dates I had coming up were all cancelled. And worst of all our upcoming vacation to Disneyland was cancelled.
That last one was the worse for me, as I had been looking forward to it for months and showing my daughter YouTube videos of the rides almost everyday to get her ready. The first two weeks I knew in my heart we were going to be buckled down for a while, but I willfully believed it would all be fine by the end of April. At the end of week two, when my brain and heart finally connected, I started to lose it.
I was in a terrible mood the whole day. Eventually I announced I was taking a time out. I left my husband to tend to our kids, drew a bath, put on some music, poured some wine, and cried. Selfishly there were things I wanted to do! Places I wanted to go! Restaurants I wanted to eat at!
Ever since then I have been in this tired fog. At the beginning of isolation (before my meltdown) I started a 30-day yoga challenge. I have now been stuck on day 16 for four days. All the projects I started because I was ‘gonna use this time’ sit half finished and I am completely unmotivated to do any of it. The unending sameness of the days just give me an overall sense of ‘who cares’ and ‘what for’.
The ‘what for’ is my kids. The energy I have to spend is now spent on making sure they still have a happy normal day to day. I have a few more time outs then I used to have, and my nap times are being spent playing Animal Crossings like the rest of the world, but that’s okay. Literally right now is about surviving and that is what we are going to do.