Mentally Preparing for Another Baby (Part II)


A million years ago I wrote a reflection on the decision to have a second baby. Spoiler alert: I was pregnant about 10 seconds after it was posted.

When my husband and I were dating we had a frank discussion over our ideal sized family. For me, four, all adopted. For him, two. but he would compromise on three, biological. None of that even mattered because that’s actually not how life works. You might know that my family struggled with fertility and that for a few years, we were foster parents, although we never got the opportunity to adopt.  We eventually conceived with the help of our local birth center, and when it came to baby number two, all we had to do was say out loud, “should we start trying again?” before immediately getting pregnant. We were blessed.

Following the traumatic birth of my second child  though, my family said we were done. D-O-N-E. Done with babies.

I happily donated all my maternity clothes. I sorted, donated, and sold any baby items as my son outgrew them. I felt happy knowing our family was done. I felt really at peace about our decision.

Until I wasn’t.

So here I am. Wondering, how do I know when I’m done? Truly done.

How does anyone know when their family is complete?

It took me a long year and a half, and a candid conversation with my midwife before I truly felt emotionally healed from my son’s birth. It took longer for my husband.

Then the question came up with a more open heart. What if we had another baby?

I knew I was ready, and when I looked at my children I kept thinking, someone isn’t here.

I know most people just leave it up to God or chance or they take more medical or permanent solutions. We use fertility awareness meticulously so surprises aren’t really in the cards for us. Sure, there could always be the chance, but that chance also exists for people who contracept and people who sterilize. But before even anyone takes that step, how do they know it’s time?

How do you know when you’re done? Really done?

My husband and are on the same page now. Although sometimes he’ll say, “ok, but no more than four”. Alright, I tell him, but I can’t make any promises.

How did you or how will you know?