So THIS is Marriage?

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Grocery shopping… what a bore, amiright?! Well, somehow, since we have moved to Flagstaff, grocery shopping has become a family outing of sorts. This weekend was kind of rough and we all really were not feeling up to it. Long work week, long school days, and long… whatever days that kids have. To get to the point, we finished grocery shopping and somehow ended up back home with groceries and a party pack of nachos from Taco Bell. Our son fell asleep, so we put him in his room, put the groceries bags on the floor, and my husband and I just sat down in the dark to eat this big box of nachos. As I sat there, enjoying the silence, I looked over at this guy and I thought, “is this what my Saturdays have become? Grocery shopping and trash food in the dark with my husband?” The answer was “yes.”

The more I kept stuffing my face and thinking, the more I realized how much we’ve just kind of gotten used to each other. I started thinking about all these articles on how to keep your marriage alive through the years. A lot of the advice on there usually makes me angry because my husband does none of it! We don’t date each other, I don’t get kisses in the morning, I don’t get a text saying “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you,” and I definitely don’t get showered in luxury gifts. As I started kind of getting annoyed at the most ridiculous things, I started noticing him putting all of his jalapenos on my side of the box. I looked up and he said “I know you like them.”

Ah, there it is. This is what he does. This is what I love. Those small tokens that are the probably the most significant acts of love.

Now, I know this seems like a rant on what my husband doesn’t do, but it really isn’t. It’s more of a “don’t let these unrealistic ideas of what a marriage is supposed to be like define YOUR marriage” kind of post. As previously reported on a post that was incorrect on our wedding date (2009, by the way), I have been married to this guy for 11 years. Every time someone asks me “how do you guys do it?” I really don’t know how to answer. The best advice I give them is to just remember that you’re both still very much individuals with different thoughts and feelings. Communication, respect, and understanding go such a long way.

Do we date each other? No. I wish we did! It would be so nice to get away for dinner or something once in a while. The reality is that sometimes there isn’t time (or money) for it. Oh, make time, you say? Ok yeah. I’ll get right on it! (Ok, but for real, we have probably gone out a few times sans the offspring, and it has been amazing. It’s just not something we can regularly do.)

What do we do instead of dating each other? We sit on the couch and talk while we have something on the tv playing in the background. We’ll put the dishes away together, we’ll get ready for bed together, and we usually talk about stuff during that time. Pretty exciting, right?

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Morning kisses? If I am lucky, I’ll have enough time to grab a piece of fruit to go in the morning. I’m up and out before they’re even up; I do the kiss giving in the mornings. Gifts? This guy goes grocery shopping alone and brings me a Twix bar. Be still my heart, I have been given chocolate and my inner chocolate demons are pleased; you are allowed another day. Sweet texts? I get memes at the most random and sometimes inappropriate times… but boy do they brighten up my day.

Side story: I love spicy foods, and he absolutely does not. When we were dating, I remember him eating some Hot Cheetos in preparation for life with me. I laughed SO hard, but I knew then that this guy was the guy for me. We don’t see eye to eye on everything, we are on the opposite sides of the political spectrum, we like different things, and we just are kind of there with each other AND IT WORKS FOR US. The good internet articles will tell you that communication and respect are key. The other bad internet articles will tell you that if he breathes while you talk that he’s definitely not the guy for you. Obviously a gross exaggeration, but you get the gist. The thing is, with all this social media flex, you’re going to feel some kind of way. I know sometimes I wish he did things other husbands do. But I start thinking…would I REALLY be happy? Maybe. Maybe not. But I’m happy now. I’m a wild card and this guy gets major props for dealing with my roller coaster of emotions, drama, and just overall weirdness. He’s my #1 supporter in my crazy ideas/ventures. He’s my rational piece of mind when my mind is going 100 mph downhill. He totally keeps up the fort when I get that travel itch and go on my solo adventures. This guy is quite literally the best person in the world, and I love him. Yeah, we argue, we disagree on things, and we get mad at each other. That’s marriage. However, we also support each other, we make each other laugh, we annoy each other, and we eat party sized nachos from Taco Bell together. It’s not a Michelin star dinner, but it’s a Michelin star memory for sure.

TL;DR: Don’t let social media/the internet get to you because you don’t have their version of a perfect marriage. You do you, boo.

P. S. He wants me to mention that he did the dishes once. Definitely a keeper.

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