No. You’re Not a Hot Mess Mom.


The Hot Mess Mom. We love them.

I identify as one. And it’s been a liberating term that’s helped me ditch my perfectionism and settle nicely into a pool of “we’re all in this together.”

I think most moms live in a land between “Hot Mess” and “Got It Together,” identifying as one or the other based on the day. That’s cool.

But lately, I gotta say, I’ve started rolling my eyes when the phrase “Hot Mess Mom” is used alongside Insta-perfect photos. Photos where the “Got It Together” mom shows their latest before/after project, but with a sign or caption or hashtag claiming they’re a Hot Mess Mom.

No. Nope. Not even close.

But maybe…just maybe…you don’t realize you’re not a hot mess mom? So I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and help you out.

Here are the Top Five ways to know you’re NOT a Hot Mess Mom.

You own a letter board. Spoiler alert…nothing “just happened” if you had time to write out a cute letter board caption for it, stage a photo shoot and schedule your post to social media.

Not taking anything away from your experience, but for the love of Pete – don’t include anything about being caught a Hot Mess within a dang letter board, decorated chalk art or other. The only creative layout I’ll still accept within the parameters of “Hot Mess-dom” is something spelled out with Cheerios…and even then, you’re getting awful close to that line of having your act together.

You have photo shoots. You know who you are. Got It Together Moms have cute areas of their house with backdrops and props, strung white Christmas lights and succulents, or one part of the kitchen counter kept pristinely reserved for pictures.

Let me take it a step further and say if you own a selfie tripod, you’ve officially exited the “Hot Mess Mom” club. We are the queens of awkward selfies with half our own face cut off, but we got the kids smiling. Yay us! That is where we live – in the unfiltered emotional rawness of life.

You have regular beauty appointments. We Hot Mess Moms want to look good. We just don’t know when or how that’s going to happen.

So if you get a regular mani/pedi, have fresh colored hair, false lashes filled every two weeks, and the list goes on – 1) BRAVO! We applaud you because it’s important to make yourself a priority and 2) Embrace that success! Stop saying you’re a hot mess. My roots are so grown out I have friends complimenting my new balayage look.

Sidebar: Hot Mess Moms everywhere need a hairdresser who can execute highlights that grow out into balayage over the course of 4-6 months. Mine in Flagstaff is University Hair

You don’t just own high-heels, you wear them…to Mom-ing activities. I can’t remember exactly when, but somewhere along the way I made a rule for myself to be wary of any mom who is put together enough to wear high-heel shoes to a child’s birthday party and still jokes about being a hot mess mom.

You own white bedding. This is it. The 100% giveaway you are not, in fact, a Hot Mess Mom. I literally feel rage towards these Insta-moms professing their Hot Mess status while lounging in silk pajamas on a pristine, white bedspread. What the what? White bedspreads don’t last a WEEKEND when my family stays at a hotel. And you LIVE with one?

I’m. In. Awe. That’s some accomplishment…and the sign of a true Got It Together Mom. You clearly have boundaries and a well-kept to-do list:

  • The juice box stays in the kitchen when you say so instead of your children doing whatever they please.
  • Your kids apparently don’t wander into your room in the middle of the night (if you’ve gotten them to sleep in their own beds, to begin with) and smear boogers all over the place.
  • You vacuum regularly, so said bedspread is not covered in pet hair.
  • You dust the fans all the time to prevent any debris from falling onto the bed.
  • No one has thrown up on or peed their pants in your bed.
  • You and your husband never collapse on top of the bed from mental and physical exhaustion, in your dirty clothing and/or shoes.

That white bedspread says more about you than your diary. And if you own one – you are most definitely, absolutely no way, no how, a Hot Mess Mom.

It’s OKAY. You don’t have to be a Hot Mess Mom to be loved.

You just have to be authentic. So embrace you in all your Got It Together glory, grab your letter board and take some beautiful photos for Instagram. I’ll be appreciating them, a sparkle of hope in my eye, sighing “Someday…I’ll get it together too.

And know if you’re having a Hot Mess Mom day, that’s a-okay too. Just be you.

Much Love – H