Fear, Assumptions, and Judgement in Parenting


Why are parent’s so judgmental of each other?

I hear judgmental remarks on everything from potty training to drinking water without a sip cup. Why are people so quick to judge when we are all just doing the best we can?

Parenthood is isolating. We find ourselves most often in the company of tiny humans whose hands are constantly clutching at us, lacking any body autonomy and yet feeling utterly alone. Rather than being united by this isolation parenting makes us all more judgmental of each other. I see it in myself, I find myself more likely, since becoming a mother, to make snap-judgments of other mothers. 

Parenting is terrifying, the result of that fear is judgementality.

Being completely responsible for the life of such a precious, vulnerable little person is by far the most frightening thing we do. We need to believe that we are doing right by our children because to consider otherwise would tear us apart. This sets us up with a hostility toward different parenting philosophies. When we hear stories about bad things happening to children, we assume that their parents made some mistake. We want to assume that they weren’t watching closely enough, that they didn’t do their research, maybe that they were downright neglectful. It would be terrifying to acknowledge that you can do everything right and something could still go terribly wrong.

We judge and we are hostile. But the truth is that we are all afraid, and we are all just doing what we believe is the best thing for our children. It takes a village to raise a child, parents need to support each other regardless of differing philosophies. 




  1. Thanks for this – so glad you articulated it and spoke up. Especially that part about being afraid that something bad might happen to your own kids, and being unable to face that fact. I might also add that some people simply enjoy bullying and pushing around others, and moms are a convenient target because we don’t fight back, and we don’t speak up on behalf of other moms when we hear the snide comments and putdowns.

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